DargonZine | Volume 13, Number 11 |
ungeons are perpetually dark, but at night the quality of that
darkness changes, becomes thicker and more substantial somehow. The
young woman chained to the wall is far too young to be an intimate of
darkness. Nessa's mind fools her into thinking that she cannot see, even
though she can. Nessa is a thief, a pickpocket and a street urchin. She
is seventeen years old and this is not the first time that she has been
a guest in King Haralan's dungeon.
When she was ten, her mother died, followed soon after by her
father, murdered by his own sorrow and cowardice. She remembers the
exact moment that her father died, can still feel the fear and see the
pity in his eyes as his fingers traced over the ragged outline of the
dark, wine-colored stain that mars Nessa's face. "Ah, lass. Why? Why
were ye cursed so?"
She turned from him then, sickened by the fear. "Please Da. Don't."
Nessa's tears lodged in her throat and remained there, choking her with
self-pity for a long, desperate time. The last thing her father said
was, "Wear the scarf, lass. If ye'd worn it when the priest came 'round,
mayhaps we'd have gotten the dole and yer ma wouldn't have wasted away."
Her father died that same day and Nessa began a journey that led,
inevitably, to the cold, damp dungeon below Crown Castle. She never did
cry for her Da.
Nessa had just been caught picking someone's pocket and within a
few bells of being tossed into the dungeon, the darkness reaches out for
her. "Ah, if it isn't my favorite street swine." The guard, who the
others call Hatchet, clutches crudely at his crotch, "Couldn't stay away
from me, eh lass?" Hatchet is accustomed to the pliant defenseless of
prisoners. Nessa knows, all too well, that cruel pinches and slugs of a
mailed fist will accompany his grunted release. She believes, even
though she's too young to understand the implications, that it is her
pain that attracts him: that he is like a bee unable to resist the sweet
nectar of her suffering. He snatches her hair and jerks her head to one
side, exposing the dark stain that wraps around her neck and slides
grotesquely over her right cheek. He fumbles with his breeches and Nessa
swallows the bile that rises in her throat.
A mind can be a sharp and deadly weapon against a guard's heavy
boot parting your thighs, and over the years Nessa has built within her
heart a secret place. She cannot recall the origins of her forest house,
nor exactly when it entered her life; she knows only that it has always
been a part of her. It is her escape; a place of dignity and peace. As
Nessa turns her face to the wall, she feels the silent strength of her
mind, and the cold mail of his fist sliding up the inside of her thigh
becomes the fluid coolness of spring water. The oppressive weight of his
body becomes the sweet tightness of exertion as she climbs to a hilltop
glen. When the pain begins, Nessa is well within the confines of her
sanctuary. When he's finished, the guard's ignorance allows him to
believe that the look on her face signifies enjoyment and Nessa doesn't
care what he thinks, she knows he'll return and that her forest house
will be there to shelter her.
A doomed man joins her in the dungeon that night, dragged in by
angry guards. Nessa is bruised and battered; one eye is swollen shut and
the dungeon's darkness threatens to consume her. But Nessa doesn't need
to see. She hears the guards as they spit his name out of mouths twisted
with rage. She feels Mal's agony pouring from his body like sweat. Nessa
knows the routine and stares blindly into the dark as stiff leather
cuffs are strapped around his wrists and ankles. He will be bound to the
wall next to her by short chains, leaving barely enough room to squat on
the floor; never enough room to lie down to rest, or even enough room to
lie down to die.
After the guards leave, Nessa crouches on the floor, listening for
any hint of him. Silence does not exist inside the darkness of a
dungeon; there is a constant clamor of cursing guards, rattling chains
and moaning prisoners surrounding them. She has witnessed too many
prisoners being tossed into dungeons and even the strongest warrior will
thrash and call out at the first hint of lost freedom. Mal remains
silent and still for so long that she begins to think him daft.
Eventually, she realizes that she doesn't need to hear him either;
the stench of his defeat is overpowering. From the beginning, the guards
call him a killer. He doesn't seem like a killer to her; he seems dead.
There is an air of hopelessness that surrounds Mal, and Nessa imagines
that she can see it glowing in the dark.
Nessa's heart holds little capacity for compassion and she wills
herself to scorn Mal. She believes he is weak and doesn't fully
understand why she begins to speak to him, but talking soon becomes a
habit: whispered words, battered against the inside of their cage. "If
you lift your head to the north, you can still detect the faint scent of
winter blanketing the land," she intones and is astonished at the sound
of her own voice, alive with promise, while inside she feels as dead as
he. "The sun is waning and the birds are winging home to rest." Mal
doesn't move, doesn't give any indication that he has heard her at all.
She closes her eyes and leans back against the weeping wall. "I can
smell the faint scent of a burning hearth and it draws me away from the
village and into the forest." She hears him then, as he shuffles as
close to her as his chains will allow. She's astonished to discover that
she doesn't mind; he can join her, if it helps.
She speaks a little louder, making sure that he can follow. "Under
the trees, darkness cloaks us in a protective layer and we are hidden
from the gods that rule our lives. The forest is frozen in that peculiar
unsilence of prey and predator." She hears him breathing next to her,
"We've entered the forest at the head of a tiny, struggling spring."
Inside the dungeon, Nessa inhales a deep breath of air rank with the
scent of human captivity, while inside her head she sees the rise of the
land as it makes its way past the stream. "The water trickles over
smooth, liquid rocks and the green scent of life greets us." Nessa hears
the call of a night raven high above. "Listen. Do you hear it? The
goddess Cahleyna comes, trailing the moon behind her." As she starts to
cross the stream, she looks back over her shoulder and he is there,
shuffling along. The realization that Mal, too, can inhabit her secret
place jolts her from her reverie and she will never again return to that
place without the vaguely oppressive knowledge that Mal is her
companion.
The next day Mal has a visitor, a priest searching for lost souls.
At first, he only stares at the priest, but soon Mal begins to talk,
slowly and then with increasing anguish. His tale is a bitter one, full
of hateful jealousy and death for the betrayed, as well as the
betrayers. He explains to the priest how he had been falsely accused of
burning his village and that, in the end, he had murdered the one truly
responsible. Mal tells the priest, in a voice devoid of life, that he
has been condemned to hang. With a wickedness that startles her, Nessa
finds it amusing that the priest's bag of tricks are ineffective against
Mal's torment. Mal is too consumed by his own agony to care much for
redemption and Nessa knows the priest doesn't leave the dungeon that day
with any redeemed souls.
In Mal, Nessa sees her own suffering and after the priest leaves,
she strains her eyes, eager to see if his hatred pours from him like
smoke, but all she sees is death. She feels an insistent need building
in the pit of her stomach, an inexplicable urge to flee to her haven.
She continues weaving the spell that comforts them, "It's morning now
and the forest is alive. The leaves rustle under our feet and the wind
blows a cool, welcome breeze along our backs. We're moving to higher
ground. The trees are huge up here, ancient sentinels guarding the heart
of the wood. The forest crowds us, moves in closer and becomes thicker.
Up ahead we see a small clearing. That's our destination." Her voice
rises in pitch and Mal moves as close to her as his short chains will
allow. "The glen is no larger than the house that inhabits its space. A
perfectly-lined stone fence is all that restrains the forest from
totally overtaking the cottage. Smoke curls from the chimney and a lamp
burns brightly through a small window beside the door." Nessa feels the
serenity of the place and she wraps it about her like armor. "Oh, yes.
By Araminia, it is quiet here."
In the forest, she rests her hand upon a wooden gate and she feels
Mal's warm breath along her neck and his hand clutching her arm as he
urges her forward. He whispers, "Let's go inside".
Nessa chokes, "No! No, we can't." The cottage recoils from her and
shatters into tiny, frozen embers. She scrambles onto all fours and
lunges away from him, stretching her chains to the very end. She has
never gone inside the forest house. She fancies herself being patient,
waiting to get the full measure of the place before venturing over its
threshold. But she is afraid. On the surface her life is difficult
enough to bear; slipping below that turbulent edge is unthinkable. Nessa
suspects that the forest house is as empty as her life and the thought
terrifies her.
The day of the priest's visit is to be the last day of Mal's life.
During the night, the bitterness that burns inside of Mal grows until it
fills the dungeon. Like the relentlessness of a hungry flame, his defeat
washes over Nessa, forcing her to embrace the desperation of her own
self-pity.
It is a terrible thing to relive all the sorrow of a lifetime in
one instant; when it is watered down by the daily chore of living, it is
easier to ignore. The years rush through Nessa's head like water rushing
over a cliff. She hears the taunts of her childhood, "What is that ugly
stain on yer face girl? Is it the mark of the demon Xothar?" She sees
the children run from her, and whispers resound inside her head, "Nay
lass, we've no work for the likes of ye." Huddled on the floor of the
dungeon, she recalls when the bitterness of self-pity had begun to eat
away at her heart. She was only a child when she first realized that,
unlike the other children, she would never evoke more than fear and
loathing, never love or tenderness. That bitterness had eventually
devoured her.
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